Let's face it. I'm a social media junkie. I admit it. If you see me in a spare moment, you will most likely see me clicking on my Facebook timeline or on my phone checking my Twitter feed.
The problem is that it has become a problem. It has been a constant source of friction between my wife and I. I often find myself unable to pay attention to a movie or television show because I get bored and have to check my phone. My life was being affected negatively by my social media habit.
So, recently, I made a decision that during my vacation with my wife and daughter, I would forego all social media for the entire week. I left the computer at home, deleted the Facebook and Twitter apps from my phone, and hunkered down for what I thought would be a white knuckle experience.
What I found was quite surprising. The biggest thing was that I didn't really find it that difficult not to constantly be checking my phone for the latest update on my social media feeds. This was especially the case for Facebook. Did I miss some things with my friends? I'm sure I did. Did it detract from my experience overall on my vacation to miss these things? Absolutely not.
In fact, I found myself thoroughly enjoying my time with my family, not missing any experience because I was on my phone or distracted otherwise by something that mattered very little in the grand scheme of things. My wife and I watched three movies and I actually paid attention for the entire length of the film. I was fully engaged with my daughter and more fully enjoyed each minute with her. It was by far the best, most relaxing, most enjoyable weekend I've had in quite some time.
So, why am I back on social media, although less than previously, especially when I'm with my family?
There are a couple of reasons. Granted these might be justifications rather than reasons.
1. I do enjoy it and it is a source of entertainment. This is especially the case for Facebook. It's how I keep in touch with friends who are separated by great distance and time. I enjoy the conversations and witticisms in the comments of my posts. So, to the extent that it benefits and adds to the enjoyment of my life, it is a positive thing. However, I realize that it can very quickly become a distraction, and take away from what is really important in my life.
2. To some extent social media has become a necessity. This is especially the case for my business. Even while on vacation I had clients or colleagues contact me on business through Facebook or Messenger. Facebook has been a quite effective way to maintain a presence in the community with little effort or cost to me. This is actually quite troubling, since what is a completely false interaction has become one of the ways we rely on to communicate with each other, but the pressure to compete is such that Facebook has become at least a necessary evil in some ways.
3. I was left to the evils of mainstream media for my news. This one is particular to Twitter. My Twitter feed has become my number one go to source for news. This is especially the case when there is important breaking news going on. In the last couple of months, the conflict in Gaza and the protests in Ferguson have demonstrated the great usefulness of Twitter in disseminating information on a global scale instantaneously as events happen. Twitter is fast becoming an incredibly influential medium in forming the public opinion and driving information in the world. It is subversive. It is revolutionary. It is one of the most democratizing services in the world. I like to be informed. Filtering my information through the incredibly monotonous and increasingly irrelevant mainstream news media makes me feel almost completely uninformed in comparison.
So, where does that leave me?
One thing I have learned through my week long social media fast is that my priorities were screwed up. My family must be the number one focus of my time and attention. Failure to do this is depriving me of the best thing that has ever happened to me, and depriving my wife and daughter of my time and attention.
The only question that remains is whether or not I am able to actually strike a balance between my use of social media and the attention that I must place on my family. If I can, and my priorities remain in the right order, everything will be great. If I can't, then the only acceptable solution will be to completely cut out the social media permanently. Hopefully it won't come to that, but if it does, at least I've learned that I can survive without constantly checking for the latest tweet or who posted the latest stupid meme or film of ice being dropped on someone's head.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Monday, June 30, 2014
How Gays Brought Me to Christ
It was a sticky June evening in this small, sleepy, Southern town. People were gathering on the lawn in the garden behind a church carrying food, lawn chairs, picnic blankets, coolers, playing cornhole, and watching their children run on the playground. Everything seemed perfectly ordinary, except for the four loud protesters carrying signs and loudly shouting bible verses and hurling insults at those who came in.
You see, despite appearances, this was not an ordinary church picnic at all, this was Shelby, North Carolina's first ever gay pride event, organized and hosted by the Episcopal Church of the Redeemer. In the seventeen plus years I had lived and practiced law in this town that sometimes seems like it is stuck in 1950 both in appearance and attitude, I had never seen a more diverse group of individuals gather in one place. Gay, straight, all races, ages, economic backgrounds, Christian, atheist, pagan, all gathering and celebrating simply being able to be themselves. One thing that really struck me in that huge crowd of over 300 people gathering on a church lawn was that everyone was smiling, hugging, holding hands, and simply enjoying themselves. The feeling of joy and celebration was universal, the only bad feelings or negativity were coming from the four lonely protesters tying to disrupt the party to no avail.
This celebration came on the heels of decades of fear and discrimination, and more immediately after a week of intense debate on social media, in the comments section of the local paper, and in the pulpits of local churches. The comments ranged from the typical (and theologically suspect) "Love the sinner, hate the sin" kind of nonsense, to "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve," to more troubling and offensive statements such as "God ain't run out of AIDS yet." The attacks went from attacking gays and lesbians to fanning out attacking women and calling the supporters of the event baby killers. The one theme that seemed to run through most of the attacks, however, was that it was wrong for a Christian church to be sponsoring a program like this because to celebrate and accept the LGBT community was to go against God.
One local pastor went so far as to publish a long, ranting screed criticizing our church and our Rector, along with the local paper for publishing a story about the event. He went through the usual who's who hit list of Bible verses, always taken alone, to demonstrate his belief that homosexuality was wrong in the eyes of God. He further went on to attack the Episcopal Church, our Rector, our parish, our finances, and the way we carry out our ministries. Seriously. He seemed somewhat unhinged as he ranted and raged about how 80% of the county voters had approved of the State constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, so why were we having this event?
Although I know that not all of his church approves of his actions during the week, it is notable that two of the four protesters at the event were from his church. It is also notable that while all of this was happening, I received vaguely threatening letters along with religious tracts attacking same sex marriage at my office, two gay members of my church had their house vandalized with homophobic threats painted on their door, and the church was deluged with threatening e-mails and letters throughout the week. Take the protesting soldiers funerals out of the equation, and there is really little difference between the beliefs being put forth by this pastor, and those agreeing with him and acting on his behalf, and the Westboro Baptist Church.
When we first met for a planning session that was called by our Rector saying she wanted to organize a Gay Pride event for Shelby, North Carolina, I was expecting a demonstration, or a parade, or something in your face. Having been an activist in one issue or another all of my adult life, rallies or demonstrations are something that is in my blood, and confrontation is something I know moves issues forward. I have to admit that when she announced to the group of about 25 organizers that the plan was for a picnic, I was a little disappointed and thought it was a little hokey.
I could not have expected that something so innocent and so un-confrontational as a picnic, could create such controversy. It was only after experiencing the apoplectic reaction of the religious conservatives in town and seeing the pure love and joy shared by all of those in attendance, did I realize how perfect and ingenious the idea to have a picnic was. For the public at large, it created the incredibly absurd picture of a group that was so rabid in their opposition to the LGBT community that they would actually picket a church picnic. But more importantly, for those in attendance, whether they were gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or straight allies, it gave them a safe place where they could be themselves without fear of disapproval, without fear of retribution, without fear, period. The power and strength that came from that was truly something that I am glad I was able to be a part of.
But more importantly for us as a church, it was a way to experience and live our faith in a deeper and more direct way. This was not a safe thing for us to do as a church. We could have gone about attending our Sunday services, and doing our ministries, writing our checks, and felt pretty good about ourselves that we were inclusive and open. But, in this event, we put our beliefs of openness, inclusiveness, hospitality, and above all LOVE into practice. We stood up to the critics and the naysayers and said we will not be cowed by your insults and your threats and your criticisms. We are people of faith and we are going to make a stand for what we believe even if you look down on us for doing so.
I was raised in a Roman Catholic church that was unbelievably liberal in its message and its practices. My pastor growing up had marched with Dr. King in Selma, and never shied away from a fight because he was afraid to ruffle feathers. So, after he left our parish I was left with a church which had over the years moved away from his type of Liberation Theology to a much more conservative theology with little emphasis on social justice, and much more emphasis on morality, especially sexual morality. I became more and more dismayed as I searched for a church which shared my views and shared what I felt was the true message of Christianity -- that we are to love one another as Christ loved us and our neighbor as ourselves.
It wasn't until the issue of Amendment One came to the forefront that I found what I had been searching for my whole life. Seeing that there was one (and only one) church that was speaking out against the proposed amendment to our state constitution banning same sex marriage and civil unions, I decided to check out what they had to offer. What I found was the only church of which I had ever been a part, that was actually practicing the message that I had always found in the Bible, that radical love and revolutionary acceptance that for me was the whole point of Christ's message.
In the years since, I have become much more spiritual, much more religious, and I can say with confidence a generally better person. I attend services almost every week, I am involved in my parish's leadership, my family is involved in various ministries in the church, and my child is being raised to actively know and love God in an atmosphere that teaches her that she is an equal and equally valuable part of our church family as is everyone regardless of their gender, race, sexual orientation, economic standing, or age.
So, what say you who lobbed insults and vicious attacks on social media, or who stood outside our picnic and insulted people as they arrived and left the event (my wife on leaving asked my just turned five year-old daughter to close her eyes and plug her ears so she wouldn't have to hear the insults being shouted at her)? How is it that God could use the LGBT community to speak to me and bring me back into God's fold and God's house if he hates gays and lesbians and considers them unworthy of God's love and acceptance? How could God speak to me through their struggle if what you are saying is true? How could I be healed of my anger, disappointment and emptiness,by the welcoming call of lesbians and gays to come back to God's house, if God did not love each of God's creation equally? And how is it that God could act through us to organize an event where all of those in attendance were able to share God's house with joy, love, and laughter while those outside claiming to work in God's name were so angry and sad?
The Sunday following the picnic, our early service was marred by protesters who came onto church property yelling through bullhorns trying to disrupt our service. They were asked to leave and eventually did after the intervention of local law enforcement. They left graffiti on our sidewalk demanding that we repent of our beliefs or else we would burn in hell. After the conclusion of the later service, several of those attending the service cleaned the graffiti from the sidewalk. After clearing away all the hateful language, they left one word untouched. The only word that mattered.
"LOVE"
You see, despite appearances, this was not an ordinary church picnic at all, this was Shelby, North Carolina's first ever gay pride event, organized and hosted by the Episcopal Church of the Redeemer. In the seventeen plus years I had lived and practiced law in this town that sometimes seems like it is stuck in 1950 both in appearance and attitude, I had never seen a more diverse group of individuals gather in one place. Gay, straight, all races, ages, economic backgrounds, Christian, atheist, pagan, all gathering and celebrating simply being able to be themselves. One thing that really struck me in that huge crowd of over 300 people gathering on a church lawn was that everyone was smiling, hugging, holding hands, and simply enjoying themselves. The feeling of joy and celebration was universal, the only bad feelings or negativity were coming from the four lonely protesters tying to disrupt the party to no avail.
This celebration came on the heels of decades of fear and discrimination, and more immediately after a week of intense debate on social media, in the comments section of the local paper, and in the pulpits of local churches. The comments ranged from the typical (and theologically suspect) "Love the sinner, hate the sin" kind of nonsense, to "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve," to more troubling and offensive statements such as "God ain't run out of AIDS yet." The attacks went from attacking gays and lesbians to fanning out attacking women and calling the supporters of the event baby killers. The one theme that seemed to run through most of the attacks, however, was that it was wrong for a Christian church to be sponsoring a program like this because to celebrate and accept the LGBT community was to go against God.
One local pastor went so far as to publish a long, ranting screed criticizing our church and our Rector, along with the local paper for publishing a story about the event. He went through the usual who's who hit list of Bible verses, always taken alone, to demonstrate his belief that homosexuality was wrong in the eyes of God. He further went on to attack the Episcopal Church, our Rector, our parish, our finances, and the way we carry out our ministries. Seriously. He seemed somewhat unhinged as he ranted and raged about how 80% of the county voters had approved of the State constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, so why were we having this event?
Although I know that not all of his church approves of his actions during the week, it is notable that two of the four protesters at the event were from his church. It is also notable that while all of this was happening, I received vaguely threatening letters along with religious tracts attacking same sex marriage at my office, two gay members of my church had their house vandalized with homophobic threats painted on their door, and the church was deluged with threatening e-mails and letters throughout the week. Take the protesting soldiers funerals out of the equation, and there is really little difference between the beliefs being put forth by this pastor, and those agreeing with him and acting on his behalf, and the Westboro Baptist Church.
When we first met for a planning session that was called by our Rector saying she wanted to organize a Gay Pride event for Shelby, North Carolina, I was expecting a demonstration, or a parade, or something in your face. Having been an activist in one issue or another all of my adult life, rallies or demonstrations are something that is in my blood, and confrontation is something I know moves issues forward. I have to admit that when she announced to the group of about 25 organizers that the plan was for a picnic, I was a little disappointed and thought it was a little hokey.
I could not have expected that something so innocent and so un-confrontational as a picnic, could create such controversy. It was only after experiencing the apoplectic reaction of the religious conservatives in town and seeing the pure love and joy shared by all of those in attendance, did I realize how perfect and ingenious the idea to have a picnic was. For the public at large, it created the incredibly absurd picture of a group that was so rabid in their opposition to the LGBT community that they would actually picket a church picnic. But more importantly, for those in attendance, whether they were gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or straight allies, it gave them a safe place where they could be themselves without fear of disapproval, without fear of retribution, without fear, period. The power and strength that came from that was truly something that I am glad I was able to be a part of.
But more importantly for us as a church, it was a way to experience and live our faith in a deeper and more direct way. This was not a safe thing for us to do as a church. We could have gone about attending our Sunday services, and doing our ministries, writing our checks, and felt pretty good about ourselves that we were inclusive and open. But, in this event, we put our beliefs of openness, inclusiveness, hospitality, and above all LOVE into practice. We stood up to the critics and the naysayers and said we will not be cowed by your insults and your threats and your criticisms. We are people of faith and we are going to make a stand for what we believe even if you look down on us for doing so.
I was raised in a Roman Catholic church that was unbelievably liberal in its message and its practices. My pastor growing up had marched with Dr. King in Selma, and never shied away from a fight because he was afraid to ruffle feathers. So, after he left our parish I was left with a church which had over the years moved away from his type of Liberation Theology to a much more conservative theology with little emphasis on social justice, and much more emphasis on morality, especially sexual morality. I became more and more dismayed as I searched for a church which shared my views and shared what I felt was the true message of Christianity -- that we are to love one another as Christ loved us and our neighbor as ourselves.
It wasn't until the issue of Amendment One came to the forefront that I found what I had been searching for my whole life. Seeing that there was one (and only one) church that was speaking out against the proposed amendment to our state constitution banning same sex marriage and civil unions, I decided to check out what they had to offer. What I found was the only church of which I had ever been a part, that was actually practicing the message that I had always found in the Bible, that radical love and revolutionary acceptance that for me was the whole point of Christ's message.
In the years since, I have become much more spiritual, much more religious, and I can say with confidence a generally better person. I attend services almost every week, I am involved in my parish's leadership, my family is involved in various ministries in the church, and my child is being raised to actively know and love God in an atmosphere that teaches her that she is an equal and equally valuable part of our church family as is everyone regardless of their gender, race, sexual orientation, economic standing, or age.
So, what say you who lobbed insults and vicious attacks on social media, or who stood outside our picnic and insulted people as they arrived and left the event (my wife on leaving asked my just turned five year-old daughter to close her eyes and plug her ears so she wouldn't have to hear the insults being shouted at her)? How is it that God could use the LGBT community to speak to me and bring me back into God's fold and God's house if he hates gays and lesbians and considers them unworthy of God's love and acceptance? How could God speak to me through their struggle if what you are saying is true? How could I be healed of my anger, disappointment and emptiness,by the welcoming call of lesbians and gays to come back to God's house, if God did not love each of God's creation equally? And how is it that God could act through us to organize an event where all of those in attendance were able to share God's house with joy, love, and laughter while those outside claiming to work in God's name were so angry and sad?
The Sunday following the picnic, our early service was marred by protesters who came onto church property yelling through bullhorns trying to disrupt our service. They were asked to leave and eventually did after the intervention of local law enforcement. They left graffiti on our sidewalk demanding that we repent of our beliefs or else we would burn in hell. After the conclusion of the later service, several of those attending the service cleaned the graffiti from the sidewalk. After clearing away all the hateful language, they left one word untouched. The only word that mattered.
"LOVE"
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Death by Journalism
I'm going to tell you a story. You may have seen in mentioned in your circles, or maybe caught a stray mention of it while catching up on news on the net. But most likely, it has flown under your radar, as its subject is not one that would normally make the evening news or mainstream newspaper readership. It is the story of all things a journalist's investigation into the claims made of the makers of a putter. Yes, a putter. A golf club. But because of the complete ignorance and unrecognized privilege of the author and his editors, specifically, and the complete and utter lack of value that society places on one segment of our society, this seemingly innocuous subject led directly to the death of the club's designer.
The story was written by Caleb Hannan (@calebhannan) for the pseudo-news ESPN imprint Grantland. It was entitled "Dr. V's Magical Putter." The link to the story is here, and I encourage you to read the story, not to give Grantland any further undeserved clicks for this horrible excuse for journalism, but just so you can get a sense of how Hannan portrays himself as somehow the hero of this story and how little the revelations made about Essay Anne Vanderbilt, which led to her suicide, had to do with the actual story, and how completely unnecessary they were.
To cut to the chase, Essay Anne Vanderbilt was a transgender woman. She was biologically born with male reproductive organs, but was unquestionably a woman. She lived with her female partner, a retired securities analyst with Bank of America, and together they invented the putter that was initially the subject of the article.
There were several legitimate topics of the investigation (why any purported news organization would grant eight months to a reporter to investigate a putter is beyond my understanding, but it's their publication). It appeared that Dr. V as Vanderbilt was known, had allegedly falsified her academic and professional credentials, and that her claims as to the efficacy of the putter were questionable. Fair enough.
However, the bombshell of the piece was that Dr. V was transgender, or as Hannan puts it "was born a boy." This was portrayed by Hannan as just another "lie" that Vanderbilt told. Not only had she made up her degrees and experience, but get this -- she's not even a "real" woman, guys!
Not only did Hannan make it known to Vanderbilt, who had repeatedly insisted that she and her personal life not be the subject of the story, that the focus remain on the putter, but he told one of Vanderbilt's investors that she was transgender.
Hannan reports this fact in his story, and then claims, again making himself the main subject of the story, how difficult it is to "eulogize" the subject of your story.
There is no doubt that Hannan's overly aggressive tactics in reporting this story and revealing a very personal fact that Vanderbilt had chosen to keep private, as is her right, led directly to her suicide. Why Grantland would choose to run the story, revealing her private personal facts to the world posthumously and further smearing her name is a question that I still can't quite answer. Bill Simmons the creator of Grantland tries to offer an explanation here. But, this explanation, really more of a CYA from Disney's legal department than an article, really doesn't answer that.
As I read the story, then followed much of the outrage that was filling up my twitter feed over the weekend, I found myself having a palpable visceral reaction to the story. I became filled with anger and outrage and was on multiple occasions nearly brought to tears reading the reactions and stories from transgender men and women across the world.
I asked myself why this was happening. Why was something that had so little to do with me causing me such consternation. I know that I get outraged whenever I see an injustice (it's the '70s Catholic upbringing I guess -- Liberation Theology and all). But, what was it about this that was effecting me so deeply.
When I took time to analyze what was going on, what I feel really affected me and caused me to feel this great outrage was the fact that the author of the piece and his editors simply never took the time to think of Vanderbilt as a human being. And, in addition, this is the theme that was coming over and over as I read the stories of trans brothers and sisters across the internet. That we, as a society, somehow fail to recognize that they are human. That somehow by being born trans, they are somehow automatically thought of as less.
Why do we place such value on our gender? We all know the stories of boys on the playground belittling their classmates with taunts of "faggot" and "sissy" on the playground, and these terms have become less and less acceptable as the success of the gay and lesbian rights movement has grown. But, if you ask any boy or man what the worst insult that they could have, if they are honest, it isn't "fag," it's actually to be called a woman or a girl. We see coaches intimidate and antagonize their teams by calling them "ladies" or "girls." We see fraternity hazing rituals in which pledges are forced to dress in women's clothing. We all laugh and giggle at "Womenless Beauty Pageants" where high ranking men in the community demean themselves by dressing up in women's clothing and makeup in order to raise money for a charity.
Even in the gay community, there is often tremendous discrimination against transgender men and women. Much like the LGBT acronym, the T is often at most an afterthought, grudgingly accepted as part of the overall movement, but rarely, if ever, the focus. Even in gay rights publications and websites you will see transgender jokes and insults accepted as if they are the norm, and comments sections full of vitriol against transgender people, similar to the attacks you see on twitter and in mainstream publications against women who dare to speak out.
All of this, again, comes back to thinking of trans people as somehow less than whole, less than deserving of the same rights and acceptance that all of us have by mere fact of being born. The fact is that Dr. V and the rest of the transgender community were born how they are. Their struggles in dealing not only with the spectrum of sexuality (to whom they are attracted) but with their very gender (who they are) are monumental and deserve not the derision and dismissal that they often provoke, but instead deserve deep respect, acceptance, and understanding.
Dr. V and many other transgender men and women get nothing of this. Just like in Hannan's article, the fact that someone lives the gender that they are rather than the biological anatomy with which they were born is seen as a lie, or a fraud, or even treason against their sex. All of this is ludicrous. It is a disease, a mental illness from which our society suffers, much like any other hatred of others different from what society considers the "norm".
It is my hope that this horrific story will be a chance for many of us to stand up and start fighting back against the burdens that our society places on transgender men and women. Perhaps this will be the spark for many of us, who have remained silent on transgender issues to speak more forcefully about them, to educate, to learn, to show more respect. Because until we do, and until all of us start seeing transgender men and women as equal human beings worthy of the same respect and rights as any of us, we will see many, many more endings like Dr. V's.
And we can't afford that.
The story was written by Caleb Hannan (@calebhannan) for the pseudo-news ESPN imprint Grantland. It was entitled "Dr. V's Magical Putter." The link to the story is here, and I encourage you to read the story, not to give Grantland any further undeserved clicks for this horrible excuse for journalism, but just so you can get a sense of how Hannan portrays himself as somehow the hero of this story and how little the revelations made about Essay Anne Vanderbilt, which led to her suicide, had to do with the actual story, and how completely unnecessary they were.
To cut to the chase, Essay Anne Vanderbilt was a transgender woman. She was biologically born with male reproductive organs, but was unquestionably a woman. She lived with her female partner, a retired securities analyst with Bank of America, and together they invented the putter that was initially the subject of the article.
There were several legitimate topics of the investigation (why any purported news organization would grant eight months to a reporter to investigate a putter is beyond my understanding, but it's their publication). It appeared that Dr. V as Vanderbilt was known, had allegedly falsified her academic and professional credentials, and that her claims as to the efficacy of the putter were questionable. Fair enough.
However, the bombshell of the piece was that Dr. V was transgender, or as Hannan puts it "was born a boy." This was portrayed by Hannan as just another "lie" that Vanderbilt told. Not only had she made up her degrees and experience, but get this -- she's not even a "real" woman, guys!
Not only did Hannan make it known to Vanderbilt, who had repeatedly insisted that she and her personal life not be the subject of the story, that the focus remain on the putter, but he told one of Vanderbilt's investors that she was transgender.
Hannan reports this fact in his story, and then claims, again making himself the main subject of the story, how difficult it is to "eulogize" the subject of your story.
There is no doubt that Hannan's overly aggressive tactics in reporting this story and revealing a very personal fact that Vanderbilt had chosen to keep private, as is her right, led directly to her suicide. Why Grantland would choose to run the story, revealing her private personal facts to the world posthumously and further smearing her name is a question that I still can't quite answer. Bill Simmons the creator of Grantland tries to offer an explanation here. But, this explanation, really more of a CYA from Disney's legal department than an article, really doesn't answer that.
As I read the story, then followed much of the outrage that was filling up my twitter feed over the weekend, I found myself having a palpable visceral reaction to the story. I became filled with anger and outrage and was on multiple occasions nearly brought to tears reading the reactions and stories from transgender men and women across the world.
I asked myself why this was happening. Why was something that had so little to do with me causing me such consternation. I know that I get outraged whenever I see an injustice (it's the '70s Catholic upbringing I guess -- Liberation Theology and all). But, what was it about this that was effecting me so deeply.
When I took time to analyze what was going on, what I feel really affected me and caused me to feel this great outrage was the fact that the author of the piece and his editors simply never took the time to think of Vanderbilt as a human being. And, in addition, this is the theme that was coming over and over as I read the stories of trans brothers and sisters across the internet. That we, as a society, somehow fail to recognize that they are human. That somehow by being born trans, they are somehow automatically thought of as less.
Why do we place such value on our gender? We all know the stories of boys on the playground belittling their classmates with taunts of "faggot" and "sissy" on the playground, and these terms have become less and less acceptable as the success of the gay and lesbian rights movement has grown. But, if you ask any boy or man what the worst insult that they could have, if they are honest, it isn't "fag," it's actually to be called a woman or a girl. We see coaches intimidate and antagonize their teams by calling them "ladies" or "girls." We see fraternity hazing rituals in which pledges are forced to dress in women's clothing. We all laugh and giggle at "Womenless Beauty Pageants" where high ranking men in the community demean themselves by dressing up in women's clothing and makeup in order to raise money for a charity.
Even in the gay community, there is often tremendous discrimination against transgender men and women. Much like the LGBT acronym, the T is often at most an afterthought, grudgingly accepted as part of the overall movement, but rarely, if ever, the focus. Even in gay rights publications and websites you will see transgender jokes and insults accepted as if they are the norm, and comments sections full of vitriol against transgender people, similar to the attacks you see on twitter and in mainstream publications against women who dare to speak out.
All of this, again, comes back to thinking of trans people as somehow less than whole, less than deserving of the same rights and acceptance that all of us have by mere fact of being born. The fact is that Dr. V and the rest of the transgender community were born how they are. Their struggles in dealing not only with the spectrum of sexuality (to whom they are attracted) but with their very gender (who they are) are monumental and deserve not the derision and dismissal that they often provoke, but instead deserve deep respect, acceptance, and understanding.
Dr. V and many other transgender men and women get nothing of this. Just like in Hannan's article, the fact that someone lives the gender that they are rather than the biological anatomy with which they were born is seen as a lie, or a fraud, or even treason against their sex. All of this is ludicrous. It is a disease, a mental illness from which our society suffers, much like any other hatred of others different from what society considers the "norm".
It is my hope that this horrific story will be a chance for many of us to stand up and start fighting back against the burdens that our society places on transgender men and women. Perhaps this will be the spark for many of us, who have remained silent on transgender issues to speak more forcefully about them, to educate, to learn, to show more respect. Because until we do, and until all of us start seeing transgender men and women as equal human beings worthy of the same respect and rights as any of us, we will see many, many more endings like Dr. V's.
And we can't afford that.
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