Cease and Desist

THE LAW OFFICES OF JOEL SCHWARTZ

May 10, 2012

Rev. Sean Harris
Berean Baptist Church
Fayetteville, NC

RE: Cease and desist

Dear Rev. Harris:

I am writing to you on behalf of my client, Jesus Christ. Yes, that Jesus Christ. The Big Kahuna, the Son of Man, your Lord and Savior, THE Jesus Christ.

It has come to my client's attention that you have been making certain statements and encouraging certain behaviors while invoking His name. Specifically, in a recent sermon, my client states that you encouraged your flock to crack the wrists of boys when they display effeminate behavior, then to punch said boys when they play with dolls. Furthermore, you then encouraged your congregation to make said boys dig a ditch because this is what boys do. You went on to state that when their daughters start acting butch they were to rein them in and make the walk, talk, dress, and smell like a girl. Again, I reiterate that this was all done in my client's name.

It goes without saying that my client is rather upset by your invoking of His name in order to encourage such un-Christlike behavior. Mr. Christ takes His name and reputation very seriously. By attributing this type of behavior to Him, you have harmed my client's reputation in His community and caused serious damage to Him.

We have no choice but to demand that you cease and desist from any further such invocation of my client's name thereby further damaging my client's reputation in the community. If you insist on continuing to invoke my client's name for such despicable behavior we will have no choice but to take action against you. My client has authorized to file suit against you for defamation of character, violation of my client's right of publicity, and for placing my client in a false light publicly. If this doesn't convince you, my client has invoked his rights as a Diety, wherein he can, well, just trust me, you don't want to go there (does the word "smite" mean anything to you?).

You are not alone in this. My client has retained me to send out quite a few of these letters to others in your position. I've been quite busy lately and this work now accounts for my entire practice. But, don't worry, my client has deep pockets. He's got more money than God. Well, actually, he has exactly as much money as God.

But, I digress. In summary, I expect that you will comply with my client's demands. Failure to do so will result in you hearing from me again, or you may just be hearing from my client directly.

Yours very truly,

Joel Schwartz, Esq.